I've always hated that expression 'the cobblers children have no shoes', but I sure have proven the sentiment to be true of late: the writer's blog has no entries. It's been far too long, more than a month filled with activity and drama and enough stuff to keep me away from introspection and self-reflection.
I told someone not so long ago that when I was in my 20's, working 80 hours a week and enjoying my time as a single gal around Chicago, I thought I was so incredibly busy I couldn't imagine fitting more into the day. Ten years after that, when I was still working as many hours but had added a husband and a few offspring to the mix I looked back on that that time and thought 'what the hell did I DO with all that time?!"
Now, another 10 years after that, I'm asking the same question and juggling clients, friends, loved ones and children and trying my darnedest to not let any of them drop through the proverbial cracks. But they do drop, I've learned, some so lightly and with the ability to bounce back that I may not have noticed but for that Catholic guilt that I've mastered in my 40 years. Others, though, come crashing down with a thud so loud you'd think my big backside dropped along with it.
So I'm coming--yet again--to the realization that I get to choose how I spend my time, who I invest it in, and what I do with my hours. I haven't quite made it past the point of knowing this to be true and implementing the wisdom I'm so thrilled to have. But since I'm a work in progress, I'm going to pat myself on the back for trying and leave it at that.
So you can imagine how thrilled I was to stumble upon Reverb10 on Twitter, a lovely concept that I am hoping will give me the impetus to blog a little, every day. Just a little....which means I grant myself permission to not worry about saying something interesting or long or 'worth reading'. I'm using this lovely concept as a reason to just write. Anything or not much at all. Whatever flows from the prompts.
December 6 prompt from the lovely Gretchen Rubin: Make
What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?
The last thing...memories. With my Nicholas, who had been feeling (in his words) "unloved and not very happy". Broke my heart to hear that, and made me realize that in all the activity of late I'd lost touch with what I hold most dear: time with my kids. Not time grocery shopping, or running errands or practicing spelling words. But just time connecting. I'd become too busy, which is ludicrous if you think about it. So tonight, just my little guy and I, we made some memories. We perked up his room, put up a tiny little tree with some cool lights (Ninja lights, he calls them, because they can blink like a disco ball or fade in and out with the touch of a button), decorated with ornaments (during which he said "Uh, Mommy, can you stop calling the ornaments balls? It just sounds wrong."), cuddled in his comfy chair and drank some hot cocoa. It wasn't much and it cost nothing but time.
There are so many more things I'd like to be making: cookies, aprons, scrapbooks, cards, curtains......and quite a few more I need to be making: money, progress, a difference, waves, history. But for now, for tonight, I am content to know that I made my little guy feel loved.
Monday, December 06, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Oprah was right
I complain a lot. Here on this blog, to friends who will listen, to myself. I try not to, really I do, but I fail. Often. It hit me tonight that maybe I complain too much because I set my expectations too high.
I expect a lot out of myself and when I fall short (ahem....far too often) I complain. I expect a lot out of others and when they fall short I complain. I expect a lot from my kids, from my family, from my work and from life in general. No wonder I complain...with expectations this high I'm pretty much guaranteeing a whine and moan session.
Not that I am advocating descent into slacker mode, although the thought of crawling under the covers and not emerging except for yummy treats and an occasional Facebook check is incredibly appealing these days; heck, the thought of sleeping in for a few hours is appealing. But no, I'd go crazy if I completely slacked off. What I'm talking about is changing my expectations from perfect and balanced to something a bit more realistic.
My beautiful and wise friend Kendri blogged about this not long ago and her words stuck with me. As women we tend to talk a lot about balance; finding it, losing it, wishing for it and cursing the lack of it. Kendri's on to something, though, when she talks about finding harmony instead of balance. Setting priorities and allowing those to ebb and flow depending on a variety of factors.
Perhaps if I was able to say 'Today was a good day because I made progress on projects and accomplished fabulous things at work and then enjoyed a yummy dinner with the kids' instead of 'I didn't get enough done today' I could start focusing on the harmony that is already there, just waiting for acknowledgment.
That's a pretty big expectation of myself (see, it's a hard habit to break) because I've been going in this cycle for--oh--about 40 years or so. OK, maybe 30. Still long enough to let the habit entrench pretty darn stubbornly and kick and scream when I try to change it.
But I'm up for the challenge. So if we know each other in real life (or in cyber life, even) and you catch me whining you're welcome to call me out on it. I'm going to go with what the wise and all-powerful Oprah once said: "You can have it all,just not all at the same time."
Kendri AND Oprah can't be wrong.
I expect a lot out of myself and when I fall short (ahem....far too often) I complain. I expect a lot out of others and when they fall short I complain. I expect a lot from my kids, from my family, from my work and from life in general. No wonder I complain...with expectations this high I'm pretty much guaranteeing a whine and moan session.
Not that I am advocating descent into slacker mode, although the thought of crawling under the covers and not emerging except for yummy treats and an occasional Facebook check is incredibly appealing these days; heck, the thought of sleeping in for a few hours is appealing. But no, I'd go crazy if I completely slacked off. What I'm talking about is changing my expectations from perfect and balanced to something a bit more realistic.
My beautiful and wise friend Kendri blogged about this not long ago and her words stuck with me. As women we tend to talk a lot about balance; finding it, losing it, wishing for it and cursing the lack of it. Kendri's on to something, though, when she talks about finding harmony instead of balance. Setting priorities and allowing those to ebb and flow depending on a variety of factors.
Perhaps if I was able to say 'Today was a good day because I made progress on projects and accomplished fabulous things at work and then enjoyed a yummy dinner with the kids' instead of 'I didn't get enough done today' I could start focusing on the harmony that is already there, just waiting for acknowledgment.
That's a pretty big expectation of myself (see, it's a hard habit to break) because I've been going in this cycle for--oh--about 40 years or so. OK, maybe 30. Still long enough to let the habit entrench pretty darn stubbornly and kick and scream when I try to change it.
But I'm up for the challenge. So if we know each other in real life (or in cyber life, even) and you catch me whining you're welcome to call me out on it. I'm going to go with what the wise and all-powerful Oprah once said: "You can have it all,just not all at the same time."
Kendri AND Oprah can't be wrong.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Chicken soup for the soul, indeed
I'm really a lucky girl. Sometimes I think I'm not. I dwell on the fact that I don't have family who live close or that I don't have a partner to lean on when things get dicey. But, in reality, I'm incredibly lucky.
I'm sitting here, taking my lunch break from work, eating chicken soup delivered by a friend yesterday after she learned I was sick. I'm also looking at bottles of vitamins she dropped off...an immediate action to an immediate problem, to be sure, but also a gentle reminder to take care of myself even when I'm not feeling lousy.
As I eat my yummy chicken soup I am reading an email from another amazing friend who keeps me from thinking I'm crazy or unlovable, who I am certain is as tired of hearing me whine about a myriad of things as I am yet she never, ever says that she is, and who gives me such a soft, comforting yet honest place to land when I fall flat on my face.
And then there's the phone call from yet another friend, a just-because, let it all hang out kind of check-in that never fails to give me perspective and a good hearty laugh.
These women are amazing. They are all busy, professional moms who juggle like there's no tomorrow but still find time to reach out and make my day on a consistent basis. I'm a lucky, lucky girl. So today--and every day, really--I am thankful for them. For their friendship, their honesty, their kindness and their humor. And the fact that they share it all with me.
I'm sitting here, taking my lunch break from work, eating chicken soup delivered by a friend yesterday after she learned I was sick. I'm also looking at bottles of vitamins she dropped off...an immediate action to an immediate problem, to be sure, but also a gentle reminder to take care of myself even when I'm not feeling lousy.
As I eat my yummy chicken soup I am reading an email from another amazing friend who keeps me from thinking I'm crazy or unlovable, who I am certain is as tired of hearing me whine about a myriad of things as I am yet she never, ever says that she is, and who gives me such a soft, comforting yet honest place to land when I fall flat on my face.
And then there's the phone call from yet another friend, a just-because, let it all hang out kind of check-in that never fails to give me perspective and a good hearty laugh.
These women are amazing. They are all busy, professional moms who juggle like there's no tomorrow but still find time to reach out and make my day on a consistent basis. I'm a lucky, lucky girl. So today--and every day, really--I am thankful for them. For their friendship, their honesty, their kindness and their humor. And the fact that they share it all with me.
Monday, October 04, 2010
7% Life
This was sent to me by my bestest friend Cheryl. Perfect timing and timeless advice. Though I did a little google, and learned on Snopes that Ms. Brett isn't 90 after all. You can read about the hullabaloo here on her blog. I'm pasting her original list, plus the 5 she added on a subsequent birthday, below.
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland,Ohio.
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It
is the most requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
It's estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will,
forward this with the title '7%'.
I'm in the 7%. Friends are the family that we choose.
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland,Ohio.
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It
is the most requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don't ask, you don't get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
It's estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will,
forward this with the title '7%'.
I'm in the 7%. Friends are the family that we choose.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Today I am thankful
*for their arms around my neck
*for being able to sneak into their rooms to fix the covers and kiss their cheeks
*for work that I enjoy
*for friends and colleagues who 'get me'
*for limitless opportunities
*for unanswered prayers
*for being able to sneak into their rooms to fix the covers and kiss their cheeks
*for work that I enjoy
*for friends and colleagues who 'get me'
*for limitless opportunities
*for unanswered prayers
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Perfect
I don't say this often enough, so I want to be sure I say it today: What a great day. Really. Started with work, interviewing someone for an upcoming magazine article and then meeting with one of my favorite people who just happens to be a coaching client. I am so incredibly blessed that I get to choose who I work with, and that I work with such inspiring and amazing people.
Then headed to Louisburg with the kiddos for our annualcider fest donuts trip. Something about those apple donuts that make us all happy. Adam was not happy, however, about posing for pictures. I reminded him that the first time I took him there he was downright giddy to sit on the bales and have pics taken. He then reminded me that at that particular time he was 6. I concede that he's smarter than I am.
Stopped by Somerset Winery for the first time. Awesome! I want to go there with girlfriends (or, dare I dream, an awesome guy), sit on the lawn with a bottle of red and listen to the live music. Too cool.
Then home to bake. Just the beginning of the weekend baking marathon. What cracked me up was that Erin admitted that they conspired to let the bananas get too ripe so I "would have to" make banana bread. Then she reminded me 'you know I like it better with chocolate chips, right?'. How could I let her down? We threw in a pumpkin bread and brownies too. Not right to wasted a warmed oven.
Finished a book,got great cuddle time, and surfed for new recipes. Add to all this the fact that I broke out my warm, fuzzy, Halloween socks to keep my tootsies warm despite the fact that I can't bring myself to close the windows and I you have my definition of a (nearly) perfect day.
Then headed to Louisburg with the kiddos for our annual
Stopped by Somerset Winery for the first time. Awesome! I want to go there with girlfriends (or, dare I dream, an awesome guy), sit on the lawn with a bottle of red and listen to the live music. Too cool.
Then home to bake. Just the beginning of the weekend baking marathon. What cracked me up was that Erin admitted that they conspired to let the bananas get too ripe so I "would have to" make banana bread. Then she reminded me 'you know I like it better with chocolate chips, right?'. How could I let her down? We threw in a pumpkin bread and brownies too. Not right to wasted a warmed oven.
Finished a book,got great cuddle time, and surfed for new recipes. Add to all this the fact that I broke out my warm, fuzzy, Halloween socks to keep my tootsies warm despite the fact that I can't bring myself to close the windows and I you have my definition of a (nearly) perfect day.
Friday, September 24, 2010
iPod as Tarot
I'm walking again. Why is it that it takes an "event" to get us back to those activities that we know we need--crave, even--to stay sane and happy? My walks not only make me feel more alive in the physical sense, but are the best way I know to clear my head, organize my thoughts and generally work through whatever is weighing on me.
Perhaps coincidentally, some very wise and loving friends have been prodding me in my 'spiritual' growth. I put those quotes around spiritual because I fight it. I joke that I'm Catholic and we just go to church and then we're done with all that....but it's true. I've never really understood what it means to 'talk to God' though He and I both know that I've bumbled my way through awkward attempts over the years. Perhaps I'm too dense to pick up on His subtle clues and answers; not-the-brightest-bulb-in-the-bunch folk like myself sometimes need swift kicks to the backside rather than gentle prompts.
So this morning I set out on my walk. Just me, the almost-crispy air and my iPhone. Before I hit play I walked in silence for a little bit, which is unusual. I don't usually like the quiet much. But there are so many questions going through my head, questions that I'd usually go for a quick fix for--a horoscope, the tarot app on the phone--you know, the really accurate answers to all of life's biggest questions.
And, with sincere apologies to my more spiritually developed friends and with the assurance that I mean absolutely no disrespect, I do believe that my iPod told me what I need to know right now. Part of the walk went a little something like this. And I swear this is exactly how it unfolded:
Lisa's thought: What the heck is wrong with me? 40 years old and I still haven't figured anything out. Seriously?
song that plays: Bitch by Meredith Brooks
">
Lisa's next thought: Ok, yeah, so I'm complex and not perfect but not evil either just like the other women I know. BUT....Did I expect too much from (guy's name)? Was I too harsh, should I be more understanding? Was I selfish?
song that plays: Giddy On Up
">
Lisa's next thought: OMG. Seriously?? Any chance I can look like Laura Bell Bundy in chaps, too, since we're sisters in disappointment? Yeah, didn't think so. OK, so I know it's ok to move on. Now what?
Song that plays: The Bitch is Back
">
Lisa's next thought: Elton never fails me. Yes, I'm feeling a little more like myself. I'm trying to get back to those things that make me all warm and fuzzy and working to make myself the best me I can be. BUT, while the bitch is starting her comeback she's still tired and grumpy and really tired of the anemic bank account. How do I fix that, Sir Elton?
Song that plays: Vogue
"
Lisa's next thought: Yeah, OK. The whole 'fake it til you make it theory'. Really? Is that all you've got? (Sidebar: during this song is where I stopped int he park to stretch out along the stone wall. Listening to the lyrics....beauty's where you find it, not just where you bump & grind it. Dating 101 for divorced women. Thank you Madonna.)
Song that plays: Smile
">
Fine. I guess that was my whomp upside the head. Full disclaimer: I was only shuffling my 'walking' playlist....no soulful Amos Lee or hot Ryan Bingham. Lots of angry girl rock, which might explain things :)
Perhaps coincidentally, some very wise and loving friends have been prodding me in my 'spiritual' growth. I put those quotes around spiritual because I fight it. I joke that I'm Catholic and we just go to church and then we're done with all that....but it's true. I've never really understood what it means to 'talk to God' though He and I both know that I've bumbled my way through awkward attempts over the years. Perhaps I'm too dense to pick up on His subtle clues and answers; not-the-brightest-bulb-in-the-bunch folk like myself sometimes need swift kicks to the backside rather than gentle prompts.
So this morning I set out on my walk. Just me, the almost-crispy air and my iPhone. Before I hit play I walked in silence for a little bit, which is unusual. I don't usually like the quiet much. But there are so many questions going through my head, questions that I'd usually go for a quick fix for--a horoscope, the tarot app on the phone--you know, the really accurate answers to all of life's biggest questions.
And, with sincere apologies to my more spiritually developed friends and with the assurance that I mean absolutely no disrespect, I do believe that my iPod told me what I need to know right now. Part of the walk went a little something like this. And I swear this is exactly how it unfolded:
Lisa's thought: What the heck is wrong with me? 40 years old and I still haven't figured anything out. Seriously?
song that plays: Bitch by Meredith Brooks
">
Lisa's next thought: Ok, yeah, so I'm complex and not perfect but not evil either just like the other women I know. BUT....Did I expect too much from (guy's name)? Was I too harsh, should I be more understanding? Was I selfish?
song that plays: Giddy On Up
">
Lisa's next thought: OMG. Seriously?? Any chance I can look like Laura Bell Bundy in chaps, too, since we're sisters in disappointment? Yeah, didn't think so. OK, so I know it's ok to move on. Now what?
Song that plays: The Bitch is Back
">
Lisa's next thought: Elton never fails me. Yes, I'm feeling a little more like myself. I'm trying to get back to those things that make me all warm and fuzzy and working to make myself the best me I can be. BUT, while the bitch is starting her comeback she's still tired and grumpy and really tired of the anemic bank account. How do I fix that, Sir Elton?
Song that plays: Vogue
"
Lisa's next thought: Yeah, OK. The whole 'fake it til you make it theory'. Really? Is that all you've got? (Sidebar: during this song is where I stopped int he park to stretch out along the stone wall. Listening to the lyrics....beauty's where you find it, not just where you bump & grind it. Dating 101 for divorced women. Thank you Madonna.)
Song that plays: Smile
">
Fine. I guess that was my whomp upside the head. Full disclaimer: I was only shuffling my 'walking' playlist....no soulful Amos Lee or hot Ryan Bingham. Lots of angry girl rock, which might explain things :)
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Sweet Home Chicago
I spent last weekend in Chicago for my step-sister's wedding. So excited to go, all I could think of was the excitement I felt the very first time I landed at Midway and found my way to the Orange line way back in 1988, when I traveled there to visit Loyola.
I couldn't wait to walk Michigan Avenue, gaze at the expertly dressed windows, watch the diverse stream of people and eat the delicious ethnic dishes that I've so missed. I thought about how, when I first moved to Chicago all those years ago, I was so enamored with every little thing; very little wasn't shiny and exotic (except for maybe the smell of the subway at times).
When I moved to Chicago at the ripe old age of barely 18, I was no different than any other bright eyed college freshman: I thought I could conquer the world, that there was no obstacle too big to overcome and that my life would now be magical simply because I transplanted from one locale to another.
So last Friday morning when I sat on the Orange line, riding into downtown, I couldn't understand why I wasn't as excited as I thought I'd be to be there again. Instead of seeing endless possibility I saw a long train ride and the annoyance of lugging my bags through the tunnel to transfer to the Red Line.
Where before I'd look at my fellow passengers and assume that they, too, came to Chicago on purpose, seeking out all that was new and promising I now saw just people who lived in a city who needed to get where they were going. No different than anywhere else, they were simply going on with their day. Nothing magical about that.
I began to realize that the location has little to do with life--it's what we decide to see that makes the difference. When I was 18 I chose to see wonder and promise and opportunity. Now that I'm *ahem* older I chose to see my current reality: the day to day of getting through life. It may not be exotic or magical or shiny but it's certainly real.
As we were walking around downtown and I was taking in everything that had changed in the 10 long years since I've been gone, my dad asked "Do you miss this?" My immediate answer was YES, and it was an honest answer. I told him that I missed the energy of the city, the diversity and the feeling that I'd never be bored, even just sitting on a park bench watching others go by.
What I think I really miss, though, are the eyes that I used to see life through. They're a bit more tired now than they were then and see things in a different light. Not better, not worse, just different. They have a bit more perspective and can see through the slick, shiny windows and know that money is better spent elsewhere. They can read the faces of the people streaming through the streets and connect with the mom lost in thought, the career woman rushing to her next appointment, the tourist trying to take it all in and yes, even the bright-eyed student in awe of there is yet to see.
Still sweet home Chicago, just a bit more down home this time around.
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
Deja Vu
My son is mad at me. He's starting high school this year and I'm making him take Debate. It's my rule...each of the kids will be FORCED to take at least one year of debate. It's my secret desire that they'll fall in love with it and stick to it for their entire high school career.
I can't guarantee that, but I can make them take the one year. And I know they'll be better people for it....they'll learn to speak in front of a group, think on their feet, analyze information, research, organize, articulate an argument and a host of other 'things' that I learned from debate.
My son, though, only sees that I'm making him do something he doesn't want to do. So he slumped into ONW this afternoon for debate camp, and he didn't make any pretense about how he felt about being there.
I was fascinated, though. Before the event formally started some of the experienced kids came in to chat with the novice kids. The experienced kids...what can I say, they reminded me of the debate people I knew and loved 'back in the day'. One kid in particular--very sure of himself, cocky, and cracked himself up. His 'partner', less sure of himself but sly and witty.
I can't guarantee that, but I can make them take the one year. And I know they'll be better people for it....they'll learn to speak in front of a group, think on their feet, analyze information, research, organize, articulate an argument and a host of other 'things' that I learned from debate.
My son, though, only sees that I'm making him do something he doesn't want to do. So he slumped into ONW this afternoon for debate camp, and he didn't make any pretense about how he felt about being there.
I was fascinated, though. Before the event formally started some of the experienced kids came in to chat with the novice kids. The experienced kids...what can I say, they reminded me of the debate people I knew and loved 'back in the day'. One kid in particular--very sure of himself, cocky, and cracked himself up. His 'partner', less sure of himself but sly and witty.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Me--Behind the Music
It's meme-Monday at Music Savvy Mom. You should play, too :) Ri's orginal post, followed by my answers, below:
Today’s Music Meme Monday: YOU. Behind the Music.
This week, I’m ripping off the list of questions used by James Lipton at the end of “Inside the Actor’s Studio“. I don’t feel guilty, though, because he ripped them off from French TV’s Bernard Privot, who ripped them off from the Proust Questionnaire. Besides, I’m changing them some.
Now, bear in mind – these answers should be “off the top of your head” responses. No one is holding you to this forever. Just put down whatever comes to mind first – it’s funnier that way!
What is your favorite band/artist? (Specify “right now” or “all time”)
All time: Elton John. My kids called him my boyfriend until we had to have the 'but he's gay' discussion.
What is your least favorite band/artist? (Specify “right now” or “all time”)
Right Now: It's a ridiculously close tie between Miley Cyrus, Kesha and Jessica Simpson. I'm going to justify the rule-breaking by saying that all rolled up into one they're still a sandwich short of a rock-star picnic.
What genre of music do you LOVE? (Gotta pick just one)
Alternative Country. (Yes, I'm copying Ri.....watch out, it will happen again).
What genre of music do you HATE? (Gotta pick just one)
Electronica/Techno. Same thing, right--the sound of fingernails on chalkboards.
What is a song that you love?
Righteously by Lucinda Williams
What is a song that you find incredibly annoying?
Oh so many choices.....um.....ANYTHING by Rascal Flatts.
What is your favorite “embarrassing guilty pleasure song”?
Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf (Ri, I *heart* that you love this too)
If you were in/involved with a hugely popular band…what “position” would you most want to fill & why?
Hehehe....my mind immediately went to the gutter for a lovely moment. How about official wardrobe assistant for Jon Bon Jovi. I doubt I need to explain why.
What “position” would you NOT like to attempt & why?
Official wardrobe assistant for Keith Richards. Again, self-explanatory.
If you could meet one musician that has passed away, who would it be and why?
Johnny Cash and he should bring along June. Just 'cuz.
Today’s Music Meme Monday: YOU. Behind the Music.
This week, I’m ripping off the list of questions used by James Lipton at the end of “Inside the Actor’s Studio“. I don’t feel guilty, though, because he ripped them off from French TV’s Bernard Privot, who ripped them off from the Proust Questionnaire. Besides, I’m changing them some.
Now, bear in mind – these answers should be “off the top of your head” responses. No one is holding you to this forever. Just put down whatever comes to mind first – it’s funnier that way!
What is your favorite band/artist? (Specify “right now” or “all time”)
All time: Elton John. My kids called him my boyfriend until we had to have the 'but he's gay' discussion.
What is your least favorite band/artist? (Specify “right now” or “all time”)
Right Now: It's a ridiculously close tie between Miley Cyrus, Kesha and Jessica Simpson. I'm going to justify the rule-breaking by saying that all rolled up into one they're still a sandwich short of a rock-star picnic.
What genre of music do you LOVE? (Gotta pick just one)
Alternative Country. (Yes, I'm copying Ri.....watch out, it will happen again).
What genre of music do you HATE? (Gotta pick just one)
Electronica/Techno. Same thing, right--the sound of fingernails on chalkboards.
What is a song that you love?
Righteously by Lucinda Williams
What is a song that you find incredibly annoying?
Oh so many choices.....um.....ANYTHING by Rascal Flatts.
What is your favorite “embarrassing guilty pleasure song”?
Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf (Ri, I *heart* that you love this too)
If you were in/involved with a hugely popular band…what “position” would you most want to fill & why?
Hehehe....my mind immediately went to the gutter for a lovely moment. How about official wardrobe assistant for Jon Bon Jovi. I doubt I need to explain why.
What “position” would you NOT like to attempt & why?
Official wardrobe assistant for Keith Richards. Again, self-explanatory.
If you could meet one musician that has passed away, who would it be and why?
Johnny Cash and he should bring along June. Just 'cuz.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
When I grow up....
I want to be just like her. She turns 7 today.....7. Doesn't seem like such a big number (like her brother's double digit birthday of late) but still--7!!! Such a short amount of time, really, when you think about it; yet like the time since her biggest brother was born it seems like it's zipped by in a blink.
This girl....I tell her all the time that when I grow up I want to be just like her. And she smiles, then snickers and rolls her eyes, and says "come on Mommy....you're already a grown up." What she just doesn't get--and won't, until she has her own little girl to look up to--is that I see in her all those wonderful, amazing qualities that I wish didn't get squashed as we grow up.
*The way she can laugh with abandon regardless if other people laugh with her
*Her unwavering opinion that she looks cute in a pink feather scarf worn with pjs
*The mischief she inflicts on her brothers....just because she can
*Her ability to say "Mommy, I just like myself"
*The wonder she sees in every little thing
*That she can sing--loudly, off-key, and absolutely obliviously--anywhere, anytime
*That she doesn't fear rejection--she assumes she'll get what she wants
And so much more. As she enters 2nd grade I hope these traits stick with her; but I remember that it was right around 2nd grade that I began to notice what others thought of me more than what I thought of myself. I think that's when I lost a little of the 'little girl' and altered my behavior to fit in just a bit more. Is it wrong to want the best of both worlds for my girl? To want her to revel in the individual she is but find a group of friends that welcome her with open arms? Because if I could give her anything on her birthday, that would be it.
But since I can't, we'll settle for special meals and presents. Her meal of choice for dinner? Bacon, pancakes and biscuits. That's my girl. :)
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
One Foot Wrong--Pink
Funky momma Ri threw down this morning and challenged us to a shuffle.....too much fun.
Come on, you know you wanna play :) Here's how:
Directions:
1. Copy and paste the list below into a new post on your blog. (Or, if you HAVE no blog or website to link to…then click HERE to go to the MSM Forum and play along with us there!
2. Put your iPod, iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
3. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
4. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS. (Well, type it. And remember to replace my answers with yours.)
1. Your child(ren) ask for the same toy 76 times during a single trip to Target. You say:
"Hello Trouble” – Buck Owens/Crazy Heart soundtrack
2. First PTA meeting of the year. As you meet other parents, how do you describe yourself?
“Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” – Trace Adkins
Huh....as if they couldn't figure THAT out on their own.....
3. Most desirable quality in a Nanny/Babysitter?
“Fergalicious” – Fergie
Guess it's a good thing I'm not married anymore, lest I worry about the Fergalicious nanny
4. You’ve been up all night with your infant. You still have to function today…perhaps even dress and go out! How do you feel about this?
"Hurtful” – Erik Hassle
5. Aside from being an awesome parent…what is your life’s purpose?
“Vogue” – Madonna
6. Let’s say you had to have a “Family Motto”. What’s yours?
“Take Me Or Leave Me” – The Cast of Rent
(snicker)
7. Ahhhh, Wisteria Lane! What do your neighbors REALLY think of you?
“Come on Get Higher” – Matt Nathanson
(too funny....sometimes I think I might be one of the few neighbors *not* getting a little higher....)
8. How do your parents think you’re doing with this parenting gig…as compared to how THEY did with you?
“The Bitch is Back” – Elton John
(that is too. flippin'. funny)
9. Kids are finally sleeping; you’re wide awake in the middle of the night. What are you likely thinking about?
“I'm the Only One” – Melissa Etheridge
(melodramatic much?)
10. What’s the current condition of the Family Budget?
“Neverends” – Vijay kishore
(I have no clue where this came from!)
11. Spill it – what do you REALLY think of your In Laws?
“So What” – Pink
12. It’s Saturday – kids are at the Grandparents. What kicks off your “Date Night Soundtrack”?
“Painter Song” – Norah Jones
13. Summarize your concept of “Good Parenting”…
“Sunday Morning” – Maroon 5
14. Kids are grown and out of the house…you’re retired. What do you want to be doing?
“Stop! In the Name of Love” – Jonell Mosser/Hope Floats soundtrack.
15. Your husband/wife/significant other walks in cheerfully at the end of the day. You’ve been home with the kid(s) all day and are wiped out. Your first thought when you see them?
“Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting” – Elton John
16. What will you dance to at your child’s wedding?
“Stones in the Road” – Mary Chapin Carpenter
awww....bittersweet. My wedding song was sung by Mary Chapin Carpenter, and we know how well THAT worked out.
17. Assuming you have extra time…what is your hobby/interest?
“Nothing On But The Radio” – Gary Allan
(LMFAO…yeah, my hobby indeed)
18. What is your biggest fear?
“Ice Cream” – Sarah McLachlan
(I wish....then I wouldn't be known as the Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk at the PTA)
19. Your theory on disciplining children?
“If I Need You” – Townes Van Zandt/Crazy Heart Soundtrack
20. You finally get a “Girls (or Guys) Night Out!” What do you think of your friends?
“Girls Got Rhythm” – AC/DC
What will you post this as?
“One Foot Wrong” – Pink
Come on, you know you wanna play :) Here's how:
Directions:
1. Copy and paste the list below into a new post on your blog. (Or, if you HAVE no blog or website to link to…then click HERE to go to the MSM Forum and play along with us there!
2. Put your iPod, iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
3. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
4. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS. (Well, type it. And remember to replace my answers with yours.)
1. Your child(ren) ask for the same toy 76 times during a single trip to Target. You say:
"Hello Trouble” – Buck Owens/Crazy Heart soundtrack
2. First PTA meeting of the year. As you meet other parents, how do you describe yourself?
“Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” – Trace Adkins
Huh....as if they couldn't figure THAT out on their own.....
3. Most desirable quality in a Nanny/Babysitter?
“Fergalicious” – Fergie
Guess it's a good thing I'm not married anymore, lest I worry about the Fergalicious nanny
4. You’ve been up all night with your infant. You still have to function today…perhaps even dress and go out! How do you feel about this?
"Hurtful” – Erik Hassle
5. Aside from being an awesome parent…what is your life’s purpose?
“Vogue” – Madonna
6. Let’s say you had to have a “Family Motto”. What’s yours?
“Take Me Or Leave Me” – The Cast of Rent
(snicker)
7. Ahhhh, Wisteria Lane! What do your neighbors REALLY think of you?
“Come on Get Higher” – Matt Nathanson
(too funny....sometimes I think I might be one of the few neighbors *not* getting a little higher....)
8. How do your parents think you’re doing with this parenting gig…as compared to how THEY did with you?
“The Bitch is Back” – Elton John
(that is too. flippin'. funny)
9. Kids are finally sleeping; you’re wide awake in the middle of the night. What are you likely thinking about?
“I'm the Only One” – Melissa Etheridge
(melodramatic much?)
10. What’s the current condition of the Family Budget?
“Neverends” – Vijay kishore
(I have no clue where this came from!)
11. Spill it – what do you REALLY think of your In Laws?
“So What” – Pink
12. It’s Saturday – kids are at the Grandparents. What kicks off your “Date Night Soundtrack”?
“Painter Song” – Norah Jones
13. Summarize your concept of “Good Parenting”…
“Sunday Morning” – Maroon 5
14. Kids are grown and out of the house…you’re retired. What do you want to be doing?
“Stop! In the Name of Love” – Jonell Mosser/Hope Floats soundtrack.
15. Your husband/wife/significant other walks in cheerfully at the end of the day. You’ve been home with the kid(s) all day and are wiped out. Your first thought when you see them?
“Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting” – Elton John
16. What will you dance to at your child’s wedding?
“Stones in the Road” – Mary Chapin Carpenter
awww....bittersweet. My wedding song was sung by Mary Chapin Carpenter, and we know how well THAT worked out.
17. Assuming you have extra time…what is your hobby/interest?
“Nothing On But The Radio” – Gary Allan
(LMFAO…yeah, my hobby indeed)
18. What is your biggest fear?
“Ice Cream” – Sarah McLachlan
(I wish....then I wouldn't be known as the Honkey Tonk Badonkadonk at the PTA)
19. Your theory on disciplining children?
“If I Need You” – Townes Van Zandt/Crazy Heart Soundtrack
20. You finally get a “Girls (or Guys) Night Out!” What do you think of your friends?
“Girls Got Rhythm” – AC/DC
What will you post this as?
“One Foot Wrong” – Pink
Friday, June 04, 2010
14
Seriously. 14 years since I became a mommy for the very first time. To this precious, delicate, helpless little bundle of perfection.
I remember it all like it was yesterday....the contractions starting around midnight; calling Anna to help me time them only to have her doze off on the phone; waking Phil and saying 'it's time' and him mumbling, half-asleep 'time for what?'; running every red light on the way to the hospital. Then, a few short (blessedly) hours later, I changed from Lisa to Mom and the world was never again the same.
That old adage says that God never gives us more than we can handle.....the big guy upstairs obviously didn't have much faith in me when he blessed me with this one. All the typical 'icky' stuff of raising children aside, he's a true gift. And now he's growing into this young man--taller than me, sometimes smarter than me, many times more patient than me and I am newly amazed every single day at just how lovely he really is.
This summer I'm realizing that I only have four more years with this guy--he starts high school this fall. He's so excited; me, not so much. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for him. I just can't believe it came this fast. How is it that the days seem to drag on forever sometimes but the years zip by lightening fast? Before I know it I'll be packing care packages to ship off to his dorm room, hoping that I instilled enough smarts and common sense for him to enjoy his freedom just enough but to balance it with good choices. But not quite yet....I still get 4 more years. Gonna do my damndest to stretch them out as long as I can.
Happy Birthday sweet boy. Love you.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Expectations
Loaded word, expectations. Wonderful, if everyone involved is on the same page. Potentially devastating if not. And oh-so-very easy to misinterpret.
How often does one really say what they mean? Granted, it's no easy task to translate the thoughts, feelings and all that other stuff that fills our heads....but really, how difficult is it to spit out words that at least align with your own personal truth? Not as easy, obviously, as allowing our words to assume the mold of what we think others want to hear. Easier to placate than to enunciate. Makes common ground shaky when the foundations are only partially built.
Thinking a lot, obviously, about my own expectations....of myself, of motherhood, of relationships, of work.....and that old saying keeps coming into my head. You know the one--something along the lines of if you have low expectations you suffer less disappointment.
Trouble is, I've never been content with low expectations. When I jump, it's all in, all consuming. And the expectations, in my mind at least, should extend to the partner(s) I am jumping with. After close to 40 years of being proven wrong you'd think I'd learn that expectations are a personal thing and I can't control those of anyone else. You'd think. You'd be wrong.
How often does one really say what they mean? Granted, it's no easy task to translate the thoughts, feelings and all that other stuff that fills our heads....but really, how difficult is it to spit out words that at least align with your own personal truth? Not as easy, obviously, as allowing our words to assume the mold of what we think others want to hear. Easier to placate than to enunciate. Makes common ground shaky when the foundations are only partially built.
Thinking a lot, obviously, about my own expectations....of myself, of motherhood, of relationships, of work.....and that old saying keeps coming into my head. You know the one--something along the lines of if you have low expectations you suffer less disappointment.
Trouble is, I've never been content with low expectations. When I jump, it's all in, all consuming. And the expectations, in my mind at least, should extend to the partner(s) I am jumping with. After close to 40 years of being proven wrong you'd think I'd learn that expectations are a personal thing and I can't control those of anyone else. You'd think. You'd be wrong.
Sunday, May 02, 2010
Scattered
Feeling a bit too restless lately. Not that there's a lack of anything to do. Just the opposite actually--seems that even though I thrive on overload and pressure, when it gets to be just too much I become scattered and can't seem to focus on anything like I should. I jump from one thing to another without really getting what I wanted to accomplish done; I revisit issues/people that are better left alone; seems like I seek out trouble when really I just need to buckle down and FOCUS.
Doesn't help, of course, that I've spent the better part of a week taking care of a sick kiddo...and now it's moved to kid #2 so it looks like another crappy week (pun intended).
If I were my own client I'd give myself fabulous advice....I'd venture to guess that the reason I can't focus is that I am batting far too many issues around in my head. "Big" issues that deal with money, kids, etc. Issues that are taking up far too much space because I'm refusing to make some decisions or have some difficult conversations.
So basically, my cowardly ways are getting in the way of progress. If I were my own client, I'd have myself make a list of what could possibly happen if I make those decisions and do what I need to do--and my client would see that the world won't end, people won't hate me, and my kids won't need therapy (at least not right now, anyway).
Strange really--for someone who's always embraced change as good, I'm fighting these a little too much. Go figure.
Doesn't help, of course, that I've spent the better part of a week taking care of a sick kiddo...and now it's moved to kid #2 so it looks like another crappy week (pun intended).
If I were my own client I'd give myself fabulous advice....I'd venture to guess that the reason I can't focus is that I am batting far too many issues around in my head. "Big" issues that deal with money, kids, etc. Issues that are taking up far too much space because I'm refusing to make some decisions or have some difficult conversations.
So basically, my cowardly ways are getting in the way of progress. If I were my own client, I'd have myself make a list of what could possibly happen if I make those decisions and do what I need to do--and my client would see that the world won't end, people won't hate me, and my kids won't need therapy (at least not right now, anyway).
Strange really--for someone who's always embraced change as good, I'm fighting these a little too much. Go figure.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Foundations
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This song struck me today. Watching the video (which I hadn't seen before) brought me to tears. Listening to the words I found myself remembering little things about the houses we lived in when I was growing up--the 'secret closet hallway' that connected two bedrooms on Maple Street, the huge walk-in closets of the upstairs bedrooms on Marjorie Drive, the chaos of the various places we moved after mom & dad split.
My memories, I am sure, are different than those of my sisters'. Made me wonder what my kids will remember about our home when they are old enough to move out and move on. Will they remember that the outside needs a good power washing and a paint job, or will they remember that we made forts in the living room and read books by flashlights? Will they consider this a place that was stable and strong and their roots were allowed to take hold and grow, or will they remember that there was no backyard to speak of?
I had a meeting today at Adam's school, and while I always love those because he's such a great kid and the teachers always have wonderful things to say about him, this meeting was all about the transition he'll make, as a gifted student, to high school next year. I've joked that I'm not ready for a high schooler and that's true; but I thought that what I really wasn't ready for is giving up that control that I feel like I have with the other two. Today I realized that's not really true. Granted, I have more knowledge of what's going on in their lives when they're little, they talk a little more openly before the whole girl/boy/puberty thing hits, but I really don't control what goes on in their little brains.
I wonder if we'll sit around the table years from now, drinking coffee or wine, and share memories that are of the same event or occasion but are different for each of them. I hope we do. I hope we talk and laugh and still enjoy each other's company, and I guess it doesn't even really matter the details of what they remember as long as the overall memory is that they are loved and cherished as the precious gifts they are.
This song struck me today. Watching the video (which I hadn't seen before) brought me to tears. Listening to the words I found myself remembering little things about the houses we lived in when I was growing up--the 'secret closet hallway' that connected two bedrooms on Maple Street, the huge walk-in closets of the upstairs bedrooms on Marjorie Drive, the chaos of the various places we moved after mom & dad split.
My memories, I am sure, are different than those of my sisters'. Made me wonder what my kids will remember about our home when they are old enough to move out and move on. Will they remember that the outside needs a good power washing and a paint job, or will they remember that we made forts in the living room and read books by flashlights? Will they consider this a place that was stable and strong and their roots were allowed to take hold and grow, or will they remember that there was no backyard to speak of?
I had a meeting today at Adam's school, and while I always love those because he's such a great kid and the teachers always have wonderful things to say about him, this meeting was all about the transition he'll make, as a gifted student, to high school next year. I've joked that I'm not ready for a high schooler and that's true; but I thought that what I really wasn't ready for is giving up that control that I feel like I have with the other two. Today I realized that's not really true. Granted, I have more knowledge of what's going on in their lives when they're little, they talk a little more openly before the whole girl/boy/puberty thing hits, but I really don't control what goes on in their little brains.
I wonder if we'll sit around the table years from now, drinking coffee or wine, and share memories that are of the same event or occasion but are different for each of them. I hope we do. I hope we talk and laugh and still enjoy each other's company, and I guess it doesn't even really matter the details of what they remember as long as the overall memory is that they are loved and cherished as the precious gifts they are.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Scratch my watch or wind my butt?
Steel Magnolias is one of those movies that when I see it on tv--doesn't even have to be uncut cable, commercial-ridden Oxygen works for me too--I get sucked in. Doesn't matter how many times I've seen it, I have to watch. It's like crack (for suburban moms, that is).
Love the one liners in this movie and I find myself repeating this one far too often....'poor Sammy's so confused, he doens't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt'. I have one thing to say to Sammy: Welcome to my world.
I know this is a time of growth as well as a time of faith. I am weighing choices that are difficult to make and I'm trying to see the signs and guidance from sources much wiser than me in my everyday life. Case in point: I am STILL looking for a "real job". I desperately need a steady income, health insurance, and some sort of support system that just doesn't come with part time contract work.
Then, on Monday night, Erin got sick. Nothing life threatening but bad enough that I've been home with her for two days. That means no work, which means no income. So as I break out in a cold sweat worrying about that, I'm also painfully aware that I am so blessed to be 'out of work' right now. I didnt' have to ask anyone for time off to care for my child; I didn't have to call in 'sick' to be with her; I didn't have to leave her with a stranger.
I find myself feeling the pull that every mom feels at one point or another--the need to provide for them (which means being away from them to work) and the need to be with them (to nurture, to comfort, to guide). These past two days I've worked....but there is no pay for what I do at home. And that's not a complaint, it's simply reality. So unlike others who can take jobs on the side to earn 'extra' money, I spend that time being mom. Doesn't make me lazy or less driven....it just is what it is.
I'm at that point, though, where I think I need to clone myself and figure out how I can make enough money to provide a nice life for my kids and still spend enough time with them that they recognize me when I show up to their high school graduation. Surely that's not asking too much, is it?
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Bridging
My sweet little girl had a Bridging Ceremony today. This was a symbolic ceremony showing that she had outgrown Daisies and next year would become a Brownie. Big stuff when you're 6!
Got me to thinking a bit how much easier life would be if we could 'mark' all transitions in some way. How nice if a friend would meet me at one end of a specified place, grab my hand, walk me over the scary part, and hand me a flower at the end.
Why do we stop doing that as we get older? Or does it just become more subtle? I haven't asked other people my age (it's a bit embarassing, truth be told) 'just when did you KNOW that you were an adult'......'when did you really FEEL like a mom'.....
'did you EVER get past feeling like a gangly teenager and EMBRACE feeling like a woman'?
I guess the bridges are different for each of us, they appear at different times and under different circumstances. For me, at least, even though I have three little humans following me around, calling me Mom, and expecting me to take care of them, I don't necessarily FEEL a whole lot different than I did at 20 (if you overlook the tiredness, that is). Each passage has been marked with some acknowledgement (a wedding for marriage, baby showers in anticipation of the new additions, signed papers for divorce, stretch marks and wrinkles to prove I'm no longer 20).
So maybe I've babbled enough to answer my own question--I know I'm an adult because as much as I might long for it, I no longer NEED a friend to hold my hand over the scary parts. And while flowers and stuff are nice, it's really the non-stuff that I cherish at the end of the day. Like the grin of a 6 year old who's about ready to lose a tooth, who could care less that when she sings she's off-key, and who skips through Target and giggles a little too loudly, just because she can.
Got me to thinking a bit how much easier life would be if we could 'mark' all transitions in some way. How nice if a friend would meet me at one end of a specified place, grab my hand, walk me over the scary part, and hand me a flower at the end.
Why do we stop doing that as we get older? Or does it just become more subtle? I haven't asked other people my age (it's a bit embarassing, truth be told) 'just when did you KNOW that you were an adult'......'when did you really FEEL like a mom'.....
'did you EVER get past feeling like a gangly teenager and EMBRACE feeling like a woman'?
I guess the bridges are different for each of us, they appear at different times and under different circumstances. For me, at least, even though I have three little humans following me around, calling me Mom, and expecting me to take care of them, I don't necessarily FEEL a whole lot different than I did at 20 (if you overlook the tiredness, that is). Each passage has been marked with some acknowledgement (a wedding for marriage, baby showers in anticipation of the new additions, signed papers for divorce, stretch marks and wrinkles to prove I'm no longer 20).
So maybe I've babbled enough to answer my own question--I know I'm an adult because as much as I might long for it, I no longer NEED a friend to hold my hand over the scary parts. And while flowers and stuff are nice, it's really the non-stuff that I cherish at the end of the day. Like the grin of a 6 year old who's about ready to lose a tooth, who could care less that when she sings she's off-key, and who skips through Target and giggles a little too loudly, just because she can.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Oy.
How is it that I seem to go from virtually nothing to do to complete and utter overwhelm?
Intellectually, I know that if I'd just used that downtime more productively, I would be ready for some of this ensuing crazyiness. Then again, it wasn't really downtime...it was mom time, mostly. The most rewarding and worthy job ever, it just doesnt' pay my going rate. I also know that I thrive and flourish under pressure. But come on, I'm losing steam in my old age.
I'm even afraid to write out my to-do list.....books to write (yes, I said books--plural), workshops to script and prep, websites to rebuild and create, newsletters to publish, networking group to form and build, business to build, appointments to keep, clients to coach. LOVE it, just a bit overwhelmed.
And that's not even considering the personal side....trip to San Fran soon (!!!), bestest friend coming to visit (!!!), big 4-0 is looming (I think I need to throw a party), trip to Chicago for wedding, Adam's confirmation, two kids' birthdays, thinking about grad school.......
Too bad I'm already over-caffeinated. Anyone have any tips to transform a tired mom into the Energizer Bunny? :)
Intellectually, I know that if I'd just used that downtime more productively, I would be ready for some of this ensuing crazyiness. Then again, it wasn't really downtime...it was mom time, mostly. The most rewarding and worthy job ever, it just doesnt' pay my going rate. I also know that I thrive and flourish under pressure. But come on, I'm losing steam in my old age.
I'm even afraid to write out my to-do list.....books to write (yes, I said books--plural), workshops to script and prep, websites to rebuild and create, newsletters to publish, networking group to form and build, business to build, appointments to keep, clients to coach. LOVE it, just a bit overwhelmed.
And that's not even considering the personal side....trip to San Fran soon (!!!), bestest friend coming to visit (!!!), big 4-0 is looming (I think I need to throw a party), trip to Chicago for wedding, Adam's confirmation, two kids' birthdays, thinking about grad school.......
Too bad I'm already over-caffeinated. Anyone have any tips to transform a tired mom into the Energizer Bunny? :)
Monday, April 19, 2010
Reminded
"If you don't run your own life, somebody else will." ~ John Atkinson
If you know me, you know that I lean more toward 'realism' than 'positive'. I'm a firm believer that that does not mean that I'm a glass-half-empty pessimist. I simply refuse to pretend that life is 100% wine and roses. So I tend to get annoyed when someone asks how I am, and I respond honestly with "I'm just fine, how are you?" and their response is "just fine? What can we do to make you better?".
But maybe I shouldn't be so annoyed......maybe I should constantly remind myself that while I may not be able to control the circumstances sometimes I CAN control my response/reaction to those circumstances.
I'm wondering, though, if I can 'unlearn' close to 40 years of 'realistic' thinking and begin to see life through a new lens. Can I reprogram myself to consistently see the silver lining? I'm not making any promises, but I'm thinking I might like to try.
If you know me, you know that I lean more toward 'realism' than 'positive'. I'm a firm believer that that does not mean that I'm a glass-half-empty pessimist. I simply refuse to pretend that life is 100% wine and roses. So I tend to get annoyed when someone asks how I am, and I respond honestly with "I'm just fine, how are you?" and their response is "just fine? What can we do to make you better?".
But maybe I shouldn't be so annoyed......maybe I should constantly remind myself that while I may not be able to control the circumstances sometimes I CAN control my response/reaction to those circumstances.
I'm wondering, though, if I can 'unlearn' close to 40 years of 'realistic' thinking and begin to see life through a new lens. Can I reprogram myself to consistently see the silver lining? I'm not making any promises, but I'm thinking I might like to try.
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