Is that a word? If not it should be. Been thinking about why I've been putting things off--no papers filed yet, just now starting to try to sell business inventory, trying to get things that I've neglected in order.
Why is it, that I'm a college-educated, responsible, functioning woman but I put all these things off and sweep as much under the rug as I can? I know that it's stupid, I know that it will only cause more problems, I know that it won't make anything better, but yet I continue to do it.
I thought today that maybe it's because by selling the inventory and filing the papers I'm admitting defeat. I'm admitting that I couldn't do everything I wanted to do or fix everything that was broken. I'm walking into areas and I don't know what they hold--it's frustrating working for someone else, it's scary to end a relationship and wonder what's next (if, indeed, there is anything next). So it all comes down to pure and simple fear and procrastination.
From the outside I look at what I'm doing and think "oh grow up already".
In other news, Adam will go visit Santa Fe Trail today. I was really freaked out that he would not be able to transfer to PRT with his current class, then talked to a friend at church whose son "should" be going to PRT and they're sending him to SFT. Turns out PRT has huge overcrowding and bullying issues. And while SFT isn't the "rock star" school when it comes to grades and test scores, it's not the loser school either. And they're implementing programs no other jr. high has, like speech class and leadership development. Adam will still be able to do advanced Math and Quest.....so we're excited for him to go visit. I still can't believe, though, that he'll be in junior high. Wow, I feel old!
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4 comments:
I'm so glad that the school thing worked out like that. I know that is frustrating not having your child attend the school you want.
Don't think of filing and selling as "finality". Think of it as making room for better. Some one told me that the universe cannot give you new or change if you don't make room for it. It is hard, but it will get better. Ask for help if you need it.
You are not accepting defeat, I think you are opening your self up to a whole new world. It will be a good thing, maybe the new change that you are needing. I'm so glad you like the school! Stats are just that just because certain people say schools are the best don't necessarily mean they are. There isn't a perfect school out there, but it sounds like you found a really good one that you both will be happy at and that is what's important! :)
Lisa,
You are a strong woman. Don't doubt that.
It's not defeat -- this is just another step toward a life that *you* deserve to have.
Times may be hard, but you are one to find blessings in it all -- and if you ever doubt that you've made the right choice, look at those three kids of yours and know that they will look back at this time and realize your strength, your love for them, your determination to make it work.
Hugs to you.
It's not the END. It's the BEGINNING. There's a whole new world waiting for you to just open the door. So stop standing there peaking through the crack, open it already!!!!! ( :
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